It's been forever since I wrote here. hell it's been forever since I wrote period. I mean I jot stuff down at Mayorofthebux.com all the time. But it's not the real stuff. the Stuff that's not safe that will lose me friends and make me more odd feeling. I have come so far from where I was when I first started this blog more than a year ago. but I am still standing right where I stood. It's interesting to realize that your life isn't going the way you wanted. I planned on being an opera singer at one point. I was in college and I could rule the world. Life happened and priorities shifted. I went from being that girl who knew what she wanted and was willing to fight for it, to the girl afraid of her shadow and the monsters lurking there. It happens to most girls. Sadly so, but do we ever move on? Do we ever get our sense of self back?
Now I'm the girl who is is a job that's okay. It's not one I hate, it's also not one that excites me terribly. I like my coworkers. I'm a little less afraid of my shadow. I'm more afraid of the people who could Leave my life, and leave me there feeling like an oddity again.
It's odd how things change, stuff you swore you would never do now sound like a life well lived or you would now consider is the right person asked. Stuff you once laughed at now sounds like perfection and safety and that appeals to you. People you once made fun of now intrigue you and you wish they would pick you first.
I don't know who I am right now, and I think that's okay. It's the admitting that makes it a little better. I guess I should try to figure it out. At some point I may want to know.