Hi.

Welcome, to my space. 

The worst part is....

There are so many things I don't like about myself. Amazing to believe I know. But the one that causes me the most grief is my inability to say what I'm really thinking and where my heart really is. I had a friend ask me about depression yesterday and instead of being honest and truthful about my own struggles I found myself listening to him and wishing I could lay it all out there as he does. I asked questions and danced around my issues never volunteering anything at all really.

Why do I do that? Why do I hide behind myself? Why do I not trust others.... oh wait... that thing.... ah.....

I'm learning and I'm growing, not as others would hope but hey that's another day all together. I'm trusting once more and I hope that my heart knows that when one lets you down it's not the entire world.

But the worst part is that I'm still not the person and woman I want to be. Screw the physical - it's getting there and this isn't about that. I'm not WHO I am with others. I am not WHO I want to be with others.... And I hate that I thought that was taken away from me by another person. It's still there somewhere, it's just learning that it's okay to let that part of me be....

Uncomfortable

well then.... okay now what?