There has always been this finish line in my mind. When I lose the weight I will be happy, I will wear that dress, I will have an awesome pair of boots, I will be deemed beautiful.
It's almost been a year since I had weight loss surgery and I've done well by everyone's standards. But I still struggle with feeling like I'm no where near that finish line. I want to lose another 100 pounds.
And sometimes the struggle bus is real.
I've lost all this weight, I've lost a person and I still feel overwhelmed sometimes with the honest truth that I'm still at a size that some people start to consider weight loss. I was expecting this neat before and after, I hadn't anticipated the during.
I'm also learning, and this is hard, that I will never cross the finish line. At least not as I had defined it. Once I reach my goal I won't magically become that person that can eat whatever she wants without gaining a pound. My life won't be perfect, because life isn't perfect, it's messy and complicated and exactly what it should be. This is my life, and I'm okay with that. I'm not great with it, but I'm okay.
But my during has been kinda amazing. I've had some really great experiences. And I'm so flippin grateful for the little things. Every hike I'm on I don't take for granted that I'm able to climb hills and mountains. I appreciate my body for going on this journey with me.
So that finish line? It's okay that it keeps getting moved. Cause I'm strong and while I've never been the fastest, I've always had killer endurance.